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Making a baby

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well -when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look" "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." "Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL!

That's for all my photographer friends! I totally loved that! And now, here is a nice little story about an old lady.....

NO ENEMIES

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, How many of you have forgiven your enemies? 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small, elderly lady. Mrs. Neely?'; Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? I don't have any. She replied, smiling sweetly. Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you? Ninety-eight. she replied. Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world? The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

'I outlived the bitches.'

:rofl: Seriously, hilarious

Shoutbox

*jayshree:iconjayshree:
Party in my shoutbox! :dance:
Wed Jun 25, 2008, 7:27 PM
*Enigma-thats-me:iconEnigma-thats-me:
:lol:
Wed Jun 18, 2008, 12:53 PM
*kyokosphotos:iconkyokosphotos:
hello :blowkiss:
Fri May 16, 2008, 4:25 AM
*jayshree:iconjayshree:
thanks. what should the next contest be?
Tue May 6, 2008, 11:12 PM
*outbackheaven:iconoutbackheaven:
congrats on such a great contest.
Wed Apr 30, 2008, 8:37 PM
*revesburger:iconrevesburger:
i has iced tea
Tue Apr 22, 2008, 7:28 AM
~perdidaum:iconperdidaum:
xD Cool
Fri Apr 18, 2008, 6:47 AM
*jayshree:iconjayshree:
Hi everyone! :kiss:
Wed Apr 16, 2008, 8:14 PM
*jayshree:iconjayshree:
submit it by note!
Tue Apr 15, 2008, 11:16 AM
*Biutz:iconBiutz:
:blowkiss:
Tue Apr 15, 2008, 4:44 AM

Which pictures from the smile contest were your favorite?

45%
14 deviants said Animals
32%
10 deviants said I liked them both equally
23%
7 deviants said People

Disclaimer

The views expressed on this website are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect those of deviantART or my employers.

Winning Features and my Jade

Journal Entry: Fri Jun 27, 2008, 8:44 PM
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Here are the features of the winners of what has been by far my favorite contest! I just want to thank everyone for all their entries, votes and support. Congrats my winners! Thanks to everyone who supplied subscriptions, features and prints! It was so nice to have so much help this time. :love:

1st place person winner: =thermalraven




1st place animal winner: =evalovinlucy




2nd place person winner: =FEROCELLO




2nd place animal winner: =robyn-HOOD




3rd place person winner: *elementik




3rd place animal winner: *GramMoo




I've always had this belief that a person's smile is one of the most beautiful things they can give someone in the world. I was at a fast food restaurant one day and I walked up to the counter and the guy looked up and gave me the most genuine smile I have ever seen in my life. He was a young guy, a little goofy looking with a chipped tooth, but that seriously had to be the most beautiful smile I had encountered so randomly. That happened many years ago and to this day, I can still picture his face. That guy changed my attitude from that moment on. I decided that when I'm out and about and I smile at someone or someone smiles at me, I will make sure to give them the most genuine smile I can. I have no clue what this guy's name is, where he's from or anything, but this chance encounter with a stranger, forever changed my view. Never doubt your ability to influence someone with a good random deed, or like in my case, with just a simple smile.

Of course, all my friends and watchers know that its been a week since I put my darling Jade to sleep. I can't believe its been a week. I still haven't stopped crying for her and I won't for awhile. Anyways, who could have known this contest would be happening right now. Seeing all these wonderful animals so happy in my journal everyday has been great. Your lovely comments and notes are helping a lot too. My one regret is that I don't have more pictures of my Jade. She was never a fan of the camera, but there are a few. Unfortunately they are all in my brother's gallery, not mine. So I will be doing a little feature of my baby. Some background on her though..... Jade and Jojo (Joey) came home from the Humane Society together May 31, 2002. We went to look for dogs several times but never found one till we found those two little gems. Since that day, they only ever spent 2 nights apart aside from this illness. You couldn't have 2 dogs with personalities that differ as much as those two. She was always my problem dog. She could find a way out of my yard no matter what we did to try to keep her in. We used extra fence, tires, cinder blocks, logs, cement - everything to make sure she couldn't get out of the fence, but she would move everything. She was a wild woman who refused to be tamed. (Like her momma) I've never in my life seen a dog who would actually strut. She would shake her butt like she was trying to make money. And if she liked you, as soon as you would come near her, she would throw herself on her back and have you rub her stomache. I taught her both of those moves too. ;) If she wanted your attention, she would jump on the door and bark. If you were yelling at her to be quiet, she would bark one last time cuz she had to have the last word no matter what. I couldn't keep a collar on my boy dog cause as soon as I put it on him, she would drag him all over the yard, trying to rip it off of him. And she always would eventually get it off of him. Bath time - forget it. We would have to hold her and as soon as we were done, she would run straight to the dirt and roll all over it and give us a dirty look. She would look at us like we had some nerve violating her that way. Then she wouldn't talk to us for the rest of the day. She was always so full of life. I guess thats why its so hard to imagine her gone. Anyways, here's to my baby. Love you Jade......




  • Mood: Sadness
  • Listening to: all kinds of music
  • Watching: The dog whisperer
  • Eating: Macaroni
  • Drinking: Big Red

Vote, vote, vote! I need votes!

Journal Entry: Wed Jun 25, 2008, 7:03 AM
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OK guys, voting closes at midnight tonight. I have a ton of entries and my numbers are close so I really need your votes. Please make life easier and bombard my note center. :)

And I just want to thank everyone for their wonderful notes, poems and kind words regarding my dog. I'm still really sad about her being gone. I know I will be for some time, but your kind words are really helping. Thanks again everyone.

It is with a heavy heart that I am writing this journal. I had to put my beautiful dog, Jade, to sleep this morning. As much as I thought it was gonna be such a hard decision, it wasn't difficult at all. When I thought about her suffering or not suffering, there was no question what I should do. She was the friendliest, nicest dog ever, and her illness affected her badly. I wasn't even looking at the same dog. But I did have a nice moment with her last night. I was picking her up and carrying her to the room, and she kissed me one last time. That made me feel better about everything.

Ok, the contest is closed! Please start submitting your votes via note with vote in the subject line. Remember you will be submitting 2 votes to me, which can be done in the same note. One subject is people, the other one is animals/inatimate objects. If you have any question about whether one should be considered people or animal, either note me or the deviant with that question. A good rule of thumb is to see if they submitted 2 entries and if so, what is their other pic. :) thats what i've been doing anyways. Who can vote? Watchers and participants only. I just want to make it fair to my loyal friends. :hug:

Prizes? 3 month subby from *docbevo & *keldbach. A one month subby from *georgia-conroy. I will supply whatever subby's are needed @ the end of the contest. Features by *docbevo *jayshree *cynders-song & *kyokosphotos. My friend *georgia-conroy will also be offering prints for 1st place, a free 8x10 and for 2nd place a 5x7 and for 3rd place a 4x6 of certain photo's on her site. Sunsets and nature shots and the like.

Thanks everyone for your participation and for spreading the word around as usual. :) And of course, thank you for your support. Here are your entries....

by :iconthe-long-shot: by :iconthe-long-shot:

by :iconspike83: by :iconrobyn-hood:

by :iconcaraazul77: :iconcaraazul77:

by :iconappieloosa: by :iconappieloosa:

by :icondocbevo: by :icondocbevo:

by :icongrammoo: by :icongrammoo:

by :iconsassypants61762: by :iconlarah88:

by :iconadamswife: by :icondark-the-con-of-man:

by :iconduckie2water: by :iconinthequiet:

by :iconinthequiet: by :iconkeldbach:

by :iconoceanem12: by :iconoceanem12:

by :iconcinderspark: by :iconwild-soul:

by :iconevalovinlucy: by :iconevalovinlucy:

by :iconcynders-song: by :iconcynders-song:

by :iconferocello: by :iconferocello:

by :iconjaz-is-rad: by :iconjaz-is-rad:

by :iconganox: by :iconmr-catastrophical:

by :iconinsanegelfling: by :iconinsanegelfling:

by :iconviand: by :iconviand:

by :iconelementik: by :iconwhitepegasus7191:

by :iconfluffyvolkswagen: by :iconfluffyvolkswagen:

by :iconkayaksailor: by :iconkayaksailor:

by :iconibjennyjenny: by :iconibjennyjenny:

by :iconshelly349: by :icon0-kelley-0:

by :iconfallgirl: by :iconfallgirl:

by :iconoriginalbossman: by :iconbubblywums:

by :iconbubblywums: by :iconroxmad:

by :iconroxmad: by :iconloveforruka:

by :iconloveforruka: by :icondragonink7:

by :iconsomuchluv: by :iconsomuchluv:

by :icongeorgia-conroy: by :icongeorgia-conroy:

by :iconkyokosphotos: by :iconkyokosphotos:

by :iconcaelitha: by :iconfuriegirl:

by :iconmarion-donkey: by :iconmarion-donkey:

by :iconthermalraven: by :iconeyron:

by :icongraphicweirdo: by :icongraphicweirdo:

by :icondelinquentdog: by :icondelinquentdog:

by :icondarkshadowchild: by :icondarkshadowchild:

by :iconfuriegirl: by :iconeskimoblueboy:

by :iconeskimoblueboy: by :iconpitbullsmiles:

by :iconpitbullsmiles: by :icontammyins:

  • Mood: Sadness
  • Listening to: all kinds of music
  • Reading: Patient's charts
  • Eating: A Bagel
  • Drinking: Water

Smile contest - Voting open and some sad news

Journal Entry: Wed Jun 18, 2008, 11:17 PM
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It is with a heavy heart that I am writing this journal. I had to put my beautiful dog, Jade, to sleep this morning. As much as I thought it was gonna be such a hard decision, it wasn't difficult at all. When I thought about her suffering or not suffering, there was no question what I should do. She was the friendliest, nicest dog ever, and her illness affected her badly. I wasn't even looking at the same dog. But I did have a nice moment with her last night. I was picking her up and carrying her to the room, and she kissed me one last time. That made me feel better about everything.

Ok, the contest is closed! Please start submitting your votes via note with vote in the subject line. Remember you will be submitting 2 votes to me, which can be done in the same note. One subject is people, the other one is animals/inatimate objects. If you have any question about whether one should be considered people or animal, either note me or the deviant with that question. A good rule of thumb is to see if they submitted 2 entries and if so, what is their other pic. :) thats what i've been doing anyways. I will be checking and tallying votes, but I probably will not be responding to the notes unless there is a question or a comment. I'm sorry, I just don't have the energy right now, but I will still count the votes. Who can vote? Watchers and participants only. I just want to make it fair to my loyal friends. :hug:

Prizes? 3 month subby from *docbevo & *keldbach. A one month subby from ~georgia-conroy. I will supply whatever subby's are needed @ the end of the contest. Features by *docbevo *jayshree *cynders-song & *kyokosphotos. My friend ~georgia-conroy will also be offering prints for 1st place, a free 8x10 and for 2nd place a 5x7 and for 3rd place a 4x6 of certain photo's on her site. Sunsets and nature shots and the like.

Thanks everyone for your participation and for spreading the word around as usual. :) And of course, thank you for your support. Here are your entries....

by :iconthe-long-shot: by :iconthe-long-shot:

by :iconspike83: by :iconrobyn-hood:

by :iconcaraazul77: :iconcaraazul77:

by :iconappieloosa: by :iconappieloosa:

by :icondocbevo: by :icondocbevo:

by :icongrammoo: by :icongrammoo:

by :iconsassypants61762: by :iconlarah88:

by :iconadamswife: by :icondark-the-con-of-man:

by :iconduckie2water: by :iconinthequiet:

by :iconinthequiet: by :iconkeldbach:

by :iconoceanem12: by :iconoceanem12:

by :iconcinderspark: by :iconwild-soul:

by :iconevalovinlucy: by :iconevalovinlucy:

by :iconcynders-song: by :iconcynders-song:

by :iconferocello: by :iconferocello:

by :iconjaz-is-rad: by :iconjaz-is-rad:

by :iconganox: by :iconmr-catastrophical:

by :iconinsanegelfling: by :iconinsanegelfling:

by :iconviand: by :iconviand:

by :iconelementik: by :iconwhitepegasus7191:

by :iconfluffyvolkswagen: by :iconfluffyvolkswagen:

by :iconkayaksailor: by :iconkayaksailor:

by :iconibjennyjenny: by :iconibjennyjenny:

by :iconshelly349: by :icon0-kelley-0:

by :iconfallgirl: by :iconfallgirl:

by :iconoriginalbossman: by :iconbubblywums:

by :iconbubblywums: by :iconroxmad:

by :iconroxmad: by :iconloveforruka:

by :iconloveforruka: by :icondragonink7:

by :iconsomuchluv: by :iconsomuchluv:

by :icongeorgia-conroy: by :icongeorgia-conroy:

by :iconkyokosphotos: by :iconkyokosphotos:

by :iconcaelitha: by :iconfuriegirl:

by :iconmarion-donkey: by :iconmarion-donkey:

by :iconthermalraven: by :iconeyron:

by :icongraphicweirdo: by :icongraphicweirdo:

by :icondelinquentdog: by :icondelinquentdog:

by :icondarkshadowchild: by :icondarkshadowchild:

by :iconfuriegirl: by :iconeskimoblueboy:

by :iconeskimoblueboy: by :iconpitbullsmiles:

by :iconpitbullsmiles: by :icontammyins:

  • Mood: Sadness
  • Listening to: all kinds of music
  • Reading: Patient's charts
  • Watching: Seinfeld
  • Eating: Cheetos
  • Drinking: Big Red

So i went to the zoo

Journal Entry: Tue May 20, 2008, 9:11 PM
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It was awesome. I hadn't been in at least 2 years, thinking more like 4. Anyways, it was a nice family outing. I do have a little ranting to do though, so please bear with me. I was ready to choke/throttle people there because they were allowing their kids to RUN after newly born ducks whom the parents were vehemently trying to safeguard and they saw nothing wrong with that. I guess they thought it would be so cute to see the ducks squawk and take aim at their kids so that maybe they would grab one of these poor little terrified ducks in their hands and squish them. And if those people didn't piss me off enough, the ones who decided to put their kids over the railing right next to the window of the large cats were entertaining. Like, forget that some of us are trying to teach our siblings or children that doing such things are not appropriate and that boundaries are there for a reason..... Meanwhile, I was watching this man with his 2 year old girl, next to the glass on the other side of the rail and all I thought the whole time was wow, I wish the tigers would get a look at this little morsel and come over closer to the glass so I can get a good shot. I figured since he didn't mind using his own offspring as temptation, why should I mind right? I mean, I am a photographer trying to get a good shot right? ;)

Ok, well I have over 500 photos to go through and even though I was happy with some of them, I was sad about some. That darn glass - whether it be scratched, dirty or giving a nasty reflection, was not being kind to me. I did have some cool stuff happen though. The large male lion was laying right next to the glass and although the reflection kicked my butt, even if I don't have any good shots, the mere fact that he was perterbed by my presence and snapped at me several times was quite amazing. Nothing like being threatened by an animal that can tear you to shreds if it so desired. Then there was a wonderful touching moment. Apparently the oldest male and female gorillas are in an enclosure by themselves, separated from their offsprings and younger ones. Well, the female came right over to the glass to me and sat and posed. She let me take so many shots of her and she even looked me right in the eye several times. I made sure not to hold the gaze for too long so that I wouldn't show any disrespect to such an amazing creature, but let me tell you, it was so amazing. Nothing like being there sharing eye contact and bonding one on one with such an amazing creature. I think some of those shots turned out well, so at some point you shall meet her.

In other news, I attempted to work on some of my sunflower photos. I fell in love with one and I got the flowers looking perfect, but the sky was washed out. I was super bummed. I'll get to it eventually. I promise.

My contest - Are we ready? Should I start it? Do I have any sponsors? If not for the subbys, at least features? Help me out so I can start it.

  • Mood: